It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
