I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize