Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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