forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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