ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
