just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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