You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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