At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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