Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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