I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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