I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
