Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
