i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
