You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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