i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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