Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
