Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
