I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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