My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
