I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
