True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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