every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize