i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
