don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize