Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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