The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
