he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just high enough for therapy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
