This girl is more easily done than said...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
