i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
