dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
