My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
