I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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