so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
