Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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