This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
