i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I touched a dick in church today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
