...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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