Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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