; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
