put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize