singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
