New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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