I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
