he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
