i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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