this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
