Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
