he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Your dad touched me again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
