Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
