that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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