I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
