I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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