but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
