Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i think i just lost a toe
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
