He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
