Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
PANTIES FOUND
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