Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
