My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
