you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
