I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
