sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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