I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
