I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
