I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
