i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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