If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
