i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize