eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
