So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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