do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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