Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
