you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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