u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
