I think I died a long time ago.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
