why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
