I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
